I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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