He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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