WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
