He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
