Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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