When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize