I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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