SEEEEXXX PLEASE
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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