There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
