i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
