I cannot find my penis.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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