who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
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