Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
