How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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