yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
