Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
