I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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