Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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