You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
