her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize