we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
