Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
