I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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