guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize