im about as happy as oj after his trial
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
