My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
