dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
