I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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