while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
