If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize