my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
