I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
