I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
