If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
