he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
