so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I would ride that face into the sunset
Damn victory sex feels great
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
