he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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