I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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