i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
