I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
