I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I deserve this hangover.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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