you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He passed out mid-signature
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
