i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
