So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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