Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize