Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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