ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
