I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
