I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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