is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
