I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
