I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
