It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
