He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
