As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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