I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
now i know why i became what i already was.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
