The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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