Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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