its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
True college students do jello shots in the library
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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