how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
