I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
