The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Less talking, more tequila
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
