I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
