She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
