you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
