i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
