Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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