I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
