i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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