Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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