think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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