dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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