We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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