I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
